ugh I just have NOT had a good week. or day. especially day. I made myself throw up for the first time today and I actually liked it. now my hands smell like a mixture of puke and weed. which is another thing. I haven't gone even 12 hours for the last week without smoking weed. what have I come to? where am I going? I just keep telling myself every night that once I kill myself everything will be fine. but then I wake up. I'm such a failure. a fat fucking failure. I have so much homework and it's all done this week. how can I be typing all this and having a normal conversation at the same time? I need to cut. now My hands are going to smell like blood, weed, and puke... why can't I be normal? why can't I kill myself.