rant..

She thinks she has an eating disorder. SHE THINKS SHE HAS A MOTHER FUCKING ED.

Everyday, I watch her at lunch. I watch her eat the thousands of calories, every hour. I watch her gain. I watch her get FAT.

She says, "I eat enough at school so my friends don't notice." ... I honestly think that if you tell someone early in your ED than you're just doing it for attention, which isn't bad.. we all do shit for attention sometimes. But then she said, "sometimes I can't even finish my favorite meals my mom makes me"  SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS. You WANT to eat the food.. soo fucking bad. SO BAD. You look at it in wonder, you know how good it tastes, yet you don't eat it. That's the difference. But in my case, I usually cave. But atleast I burnt over 1100 calories today :) Dance and such.

This morning I was at 148, and I ate 500 calories or such at 8. Really hoping for a loss. Please, I'm so fucking sick of surrendering to food, I've been doing so good for the past few days........