Low Self Esteem

Okay, I know I haven't updated much, and I'm sorry, but I've just been back and forth. I need to spend less time with friends, I eat like a fucking pig around them Anyway, here are before and after pictures... kind of, at my highest weights and my current weights.

before

before [very left :( ]after (today)

after [today.. :( ]

after (yesterday)

Okay... the first picture is of me in a toddler swing at this park by my house a few years ago. See the bulge and the fat thighs?? UGGH. And the shirt that has a picture of FOOD on it?? And because of the shorts it looks like I have a dick. Second picture is of me and my cousins at a wedding.. I mostly posted it because.. well, how fat my face is and my horrible arms. And that BULGE.

The third one is the first after picture, just so you guys can kind of see how much fat is gone in my face and arms. And that yes, I grew my hair longer. I never realized how fat I looked with short hair. Next... oh god, next... you get it. Me, now. And the last picture I kind of like... I don't know why. It was taken last night, and it was funny because I was emotionally eating again.. because he wasn't there.. but that's beside the point. I told my friends to slap me if they saw me with food and they agreed instantly. After that I thought to myself, in order to be able to eat less around friends (my main problem), instead of keeping my weight loss to myself, I'll tell them all I'm on a strict diet, and they won't be worried because they all know I'm a whale. So I can tell everyone I'm on a diet and they won't care until I'm skinny. Anyway, the last picture is the after put together. Me wearing normal clothes with my arms.. looking better.

IN CONCLUSION... I realize I have SOOOOO far to go, I'm most definitely not stopping here. But I posted this just so you guys could have the general idea of where I came and how far I've come.. that and to give me inspiration to eat less. 150 today.

In other news, I'm not showing my face in pictures anymore. Told everyone is was a trademark. In reality, I cringe whenever I'm by a mirror, I mentally kill myself in pictures and the idea of my face makes me vomit in my mouth.