I guess its a good thing.

Dizziness is common now, I really don't want to be dizzy. Someone help me!!

Today.... well. Today.. I honestly don't know how today went. Okay? I was okay till lunch! It was baked potato day at lunch and I usually have my baked potato bathe in ranch.. I know that's disgusting. Today, I only at about half, and it only had a little ranch. It was a small baked potato, too. I skipped the first half of lunch in the nurses office, it was a smart idea. I love the nurse, she's so amazing. She helped me get through cutting and she's just all around supportive and awesome.

So after lunch I was fine, luckily my stomach started growling again. Fidgeting is my best friend. <3  So I went to orchestra and I told J, one of my best friends,  about being dizzy. Of course, stupid move. I always used to worry about her having an ED and she always screamed at me if I asked how she was doing. So in orchestra she starts screaming at me about my carbs and she going on and on and on and on. Faye's whispering to not worry about it and joke, because now J's telling me that when you don't eat enough, it's called an eating disorder. Faye's going off about how stupid she thinks I am, even though I can tell it's a joke. She's trying to joke but be serious about it at the same time. This is why I have to eat so much during lunch, people watch me. I'm known for my wild gesticulation. Faye told me to ignore her the rest of the hour, which I realize probably rose some suspicion, but I really don't care.

I came home and ate one chip. I tried to eat more but I spat it all out. ALL OF IT! Yaay. I tried to eat a brownie... nooope!! Spat it out! And then I grabbed an apple... can you guess what happened?? Yep, spat it out. :) So today I- Oh my gosh. I totally forgot. My other friend A... ohmygosh. Every day at lunch she gets me an apple??? I never asked for it, she just gets me an apple!! So I add that on to daily calories. sigh. Lemme figure this up..

57+73(holyshitranch!!)+53+95= 278. Give or take a few. But still... holy shit!! not bad but not good!

My mom said she's making 'hash' tonight... I asked what was in it and she replied with a SHIT LOAD of ingredients. she sounded excited. to me, it sounds like a family dinner. What the hell am I suppose to do?! I haven't been trained for family dinners!! Usually dinner just goes in the trash can!! I'm freaking out.

Advice would be appreciated!